try as you may

You be the hunter

I'll be your wabbit

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HUH, WHO?

What’s so great about feeling and dreaming?
— I'm fat but hungry

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Monday, May 31, 2010

this month, sent 2094 texts.

TWO THOUSAND AND NINETY FOUR.

the ive NEVER sent more than 700 before. HAHAHAH.
i love unlimited texts. dont you?

todays paper was, aight, cant say easy, cuz it was oddly NOT difficult. haha.
lunch was super. loved it. i shd fb it. RIGHT. I SHOULD
i'll do it NOWWW. (haha self convo)

macs and study was, well ya know,
words just wont cut it.

theres no one for me,
none could make me fall.
but you did,
cuz you paused the song,
to answer a call.

I train hard because, losing sucks. (Regatta 2009)

I train hard because, I do no want to regret after the race.

I train hard because, my teammates are training hard as well.

I train hard because, I know im capable of contributing more.

I train hard because, my opponents are training hard too.

I train hard because, I wan to be stronger.

I train hard because, there is always someone stronger den me.

I train hard because, I want to beat those stronger den me.

I train hard because, I can make a difference.

I train hard becuase, I enjoy pushing myself to see if I can go further den before.

I train hard because, I want to get stronger, faster, leaner.

I train hard because, I know i can.

I train hard because, there is nothing I can’t achieve with focused attention and consistently applied effort.

I train hard because, I want to push my limits, I want to be outside my comfort zone.

I train hard because, I will be hard to beat.

I train hard because, of the desire to get to the top.

Come on guys, 6weeks left, time is running short. Whatever u do in the next few weeks can make the fucking difference between gold and silver, winning and losing.
At the end of the day, we must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. Before u make yr choice, think of the other 19guys in the boat, think of those not selected...

this was from some SAFSA note. haha. so nice. so awesome, so inspiring.

=(

Sunday, May 30, 2010

musical mood.

this is bad bad bad. not prepared for lome, yet im so darn confident. how dangerous.

i liked the "so darling choose me, i dont wanna rule alone" haha awwww.

i'm gonna be pretty stressed out tml. before and after the paper.
but it'll be fine. i know it. i just do.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time.
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That half of my heart won't do.

-John Mayer

i choose to think that im spending so much time stressing, cuz its important to me.

Friday, May 28, 2010

So many what ifs

Penny: "Sheldon treid to take the ring and I punched him."
Leonard:" Thats my girl."

HAHAHAH OMG NICE.

i know the pic has nth to do with that line, but still, haha melt.

Jesse:
So I wrote back with this song,
Promise it won't be too long,
Wanna make up for all our lost time,
'Cause in my eyes she was mine (you were mine).

haha. so so, awwww.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

seee? told you that the day'll get better if you see a rainbow.

the pretty moon didnt hurt either.

:)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

slept at 5am? and i'm probably going to be late for mr selwyn's lesson.

sometime God makes you think.
really. soul search.

where am i ?
what have i done thus far?
what am i going to do?
am i doing it right?
who are the people around me?
do i know them?
really really know them?

stuff like that.
okbye

I appreciate the little things too.

hate that song.

school was okay. bused home with candice.
haha i havent bused home with her, since. last semester. thats 3 months ago.

and yay ive got zapple back. new songs. haha
the playlist ah, aiyo die la.

tsk.

headache. do this cannot, do that, and i cross the line.
or have i already?

Monday, May 24, 2010

my friends have got me, um confused and worried. a few friends.

ok my worries.

-Revisions
-Exams
-Sundown, right before exams
-Touch rug, right after exams
-run sundown, arms shink ( omg so shallow)
-YOG

the 4 rounds. lets see.
REALLY REALY. cannot tahan. like, soo tired, i felt like, not me. the fire, the DRIVE, all gone. POOOF.

then, like, 1st round was slow, ran with jiaying, gosh shes inspiring to me? haha how to say,
seeing her push herself, ( i couldnt relate with the CUINESS that she felt, obviously) ( eh WAIT, i know i sound DAM hao lian, but hear me out. hehe)

ok so she did
4km, in 26.10
4.3km in 33.23

yay her. then i was like, 1st round, treat it as warm up round, so not counted, so slow anyways, good for the legs to heat up ( really)

then, ok she left, and i ran my 3 other rounds, DAM DAM TIRING. REALLY. wah. no kidding, i was like, hmm, usually its body tired, mind super awake and alert. but this time, both gone, nothing.

i didnt wanna continue, and my mp3 is annoying me, i cant change track, and i cant up the volume. whyy?? tsk. dont tell me the SWEAT ( yes, pig) the SWEAT got in? aww man.

hehe i'm researching on what went wrong, and this guy said this
"
When I'm using my 3rd generation shuffle the headphones will quit working after about a half hour or 45 min. The volume goes down really low and the controls don't respond. After I turn it off for awhile it will start to work again. Does anyone else have this problem? What causes it to happen and how can I keep it from happening?"

hehe i was like, YES YES NOD NOD NOD. ME ME! same prob BRO! HAHA.

ANYWAYS. the ipod is, well, no way to fix it, just exchange new earphones lor. STUPID Quality Control methods.
shd implement Quality Assurance instead, and find the causes, not spend $ implementing measures to fix the problems when they arrise.

hehe omg i better get A for Quality Management. heeh heeh

right, back to the run.
1st round, okay, legs got used to the pace,
2nd, still aight,
3rd- DYING. DIED. SO WEIRD RIGHT.
4th - dont need say.

my wrist band said no compromise.
but i did, i compromised. =(
boo i dont deserve to wear it.

then, crap la, had to focus? i think? yeah. think of stuff, keep my mind occupied, and its
DAM DAM DAM hard. really its difficult trying when you have nothing left.

i told myself that, ok i forgot. and it was deeep, to deep to put here. hur hur.

MY LAST ROUND. THE HARDEST PART was the part where i told jiaying to carry on, when she said, shes dying. hehe

and for once, like for ONCE, first time ever, like, dejavu.
i was running the same PACE, the same place and the same thoughts hit me. haha. and i was like, wah, no wonder she couldnt run any faster, it really is THAT hard, just trying to maintain and not slow down. hahah

resspect. but didnt stop, never will, ALMOST DID.
WAH I ALMOST STOPPED.

( im wah-ing alot today)

and. yes i havent studied today, i shall start sooon. have to.
cuz you inspired me, and i wont let YOUS down.
promise.
JOEY promise.

Now this place seems familiar to him,
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin.
Led me in there, but yet to let me in there.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

hehe these pics are just. WOW.

LOOKIT. OUT POINTING. SO NICE, SO AWESOME.

PRESS IN, SO DEEEP, what a good catch.

look at the rudder, so deep and pulled with Vern's body leaning OUT of the boat ( yes im observant) MEANS THAT, the pull of the boat is so much that he's gotta lean soo much.
haha no wonder this race got first la.

awesome starts

WE PULL AWAY BY, WHAT? 1 BOAT?

i think ive finally found out how to upload photos in a chronological order.
it doesnt work all the time though.

hehe first ever pic of me rowing.

awesomely parents. full stop.

(y)

DAM NICE PIC. like, cmon, when else does my arm appear to look so nice ( lucky angle)

hehe yk

smile!

hur hur

soccer team

hehehe GCT stalker.

i didnt wanna take this pic, but im glad i did. tired happy.

thx winnie!

thanks pop!

=D paddles in the pic. yay

HEHE. this pic nice.

=DD

dad.

omg im posting too much, haha. hrm slides taking up so much time. =(

ive allowed my mind to wander, and heh thats quite dangerous, cuz i imagined stuff, impossible stuff, and kinda made believe that they were possible. and obviously these thoughts grew wildly exciting and suddenly seemed possible, and aiya, im not making sense, nvm.

lifes too short, so love more. but think, and act rationaly. thats the balance.
the impossible self control.

OH WELL. mugging is, boring? so easy to side track. hehe. im having a jackson 5 mood now, spamming vids like crazy.

im in a weird mood, when the music plays, im happy and everything.
then it ends, and i get moody. HAHAHA. oh golly me. whatever shall i do?

irritating.

tell me why do my hands get all sweaty whenever i think that way?

Alison Sudol, you make me melt

*oh, at 3:24, joey became a puddle*

and on a totally related note, ive got a new pick!
geddit geddit?

=)

its supposed to be easy, effortless and comfortable.
so tell me why you've got me trying so so hard.

and failing so badly at it too.
but you make it easy ayy bee see.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

sat/sunday

my race, went down, afraid, queued up, SMU on my right, NP on my left.

fear and worry crept up, and from shaking with excitement, it died down to dread.

i thought of seniors coming down, (pressure)

i did not think of my parents.

i thought abt what yong kee said: guys, forget abt the 20 crew race ( that we lost), thats over, WE, the 10 of us, are now representing TP and we'll show them, that we are the best that TP has.( or smth like that, i added in the last part in my head)

um, then, as i walked down, looked to the right, saw juniors, dont know if they wanted us to win, or publicly humiliate ourselves. i couldnt tell from their faces. i knew some thought that way.

and i looked right, and through the crowd, yes this sounds cheesey (dont laugh you), but i only saw one face.

a smile, a grin, and i was ready to go.

(your still laughing)

from the moment paddle touched water, i knew she was too long for me. should have adjusted to silghtly shorter than wooden, since it was so light. then, we rowed up, and i felt like we were showing off to the crowd, and it felt bloody awesome.

the feel, that catch, the pull, all so easy.

then, got into position, i was wondering why my paddle was HITTING the buoy. and the heck was vern (coxswain) doing.

and i looked up, no gaze, but tilt my head up and looked at the sky, whispered, you know, "God, this is yours" haha

as if i was gonna die or something, but it DID feel that way. it was, like, i knew, this 40 secs, ONLY 40 secs of your teeny life, make it, break it, up to you.

(this thought lasted 3 secs?)

then horn rang.

and ya la, all out, nothing left, didnt miss a stroke, ( i was amazed)

and we were the last lane, can see NP on our right and i could see the horse head, yeah, i was sitting in the 3rd seat, and i could see their horse head, means we were leading well and the lead LASTED the entire way. so i know that when we crossed, we werent last, and we might have, just might have won.

and thats it.

i wont talk about before or after the race.

quite draining, i knew that if i didnt type this out now, i never would.

pictures soon, and um marche and walk walk.. heh *grin*

Saturday, May 15, 2010

haha

omg in love.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

i think, this period of time, is when the weird and emo posts are gonna keep coming and, i dont know, typing it out makes me feel a tinge better.

im gonna look at this tml and laugh, and feel stupid. and tell myself not to delete these posts.

school sucked. training alone sucked, but it was the one way that i let everything out. really, i didnt sleep enough, emoty stomach, but i was running on mental strength.
the gym session was, a release.

um. haha big mike is out of american idol. oh sad, but saw that coming. haha,

i cant, um. i dont dare to have talks. talks that are deep, and personal. not anymore, and its not like me to back away when you tell me something, um personal?
but, its those kind of things that i'd imagine only happened in movies.
but it has, and for someone who, well knows the "rules".
I feel like im stuck, ive been caught unaware.
but thats not the right word either. i sooo totally saw this coming didnt i?
ask me your questions, but i cant tell you my tales.
trust me, you wouldnt even wanna hear, your constant begging isnt gonna move me, as ive told you before.

dont pretend that you know what im talking about. you DONT even KNOW me.

hah once more, thoughts that i had on the bus ride home. its really really nothing. meaningless chatter in my empty, air filled head.
im sooo tired, i am worn out, but you keep me going, you're the drive, you're the spark,

My spark. thanks, you weirdo.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

school was alright, first time missing a lec in this sem.

was waay too tired. lazy too. and a full inbox managed to wake me up
oh and manaaged to cheer me up too. hahaaa. the small things in life. ahhh

sighhh.
sighhhh.
not SAD sigh, mind you, just
sighh

drove all night, slept all day.
careless with my heart again.
maroon 5

Monday, May 10, 2010

ahh.

i quote this from coldplay's song

"And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace"

yes, it was the worst feeling i've had to endure in a long, long time.
theres no pain that hurts so bad, the ones from inside of you.

but the release is, undeniably comforting, so were the kind words spoken by the two people.
and yes i thank God for them.

um. school was okay. pressure growing.

ive found out alot.
people speak, and somehow, it spreads, so dont go around talking so loudly about me in the toilet, cuz i heard you.
stupid girl.
*plus side, i found out what i do that annoys you.

and, i dont know how to feel now, except to go for dinner with you this friday, and empty out my heart, once more, and for the last time.

and there were no lights to guide me home, just alone in the rain, with not a soul around me,
my eyes stung, my insides burnt, and yet i felt nothing, or just barely.

mythoughtswere,wheresgodnow?huh?whenineedyou,thentheresnoreply.icouldusealittlehelp.
downinaditchandwithnoonetheretoaidme.
nowordstodescribethepainreally.didinotcalloutloudenough?

Saturday, May 08, 2010

how do you expect me to feel?
like walking out on me, when the rain comes, and shutting the door. thats how I feel.

and now that you've kept me in the dark.
im invisible right?
a nothing.
no one.

i cant, i wont, show anything. i'll shatter, but i'll never show it. thanks.

thanks alot ya.

they say its bad to be angry at god.
at what he's doing ,cuz you cant see the picture.

im feeling, um. angry/dont know where to turn to?

ok im not angry anymore. the sudden burst dissapeared when i typed that top bit out.
its one thing to KNOW that god's there, knowing how you feel, when you feel it.

its another, to act rationally when the feeling hits.
and its late, im thinking bad thoughts.
leave church, run away.
new leader? whats that? i've never been under anyone else.

im sorry, i'll change. just dont.
please dont.

Friday, May 07, 2010

lets see.

rowed-coxed for ccn day

ate quite abit. went home with jiaying and winnie

oh before that, saw chun leng and the rest in school. was nice.

then, um went home, waited abit for dev, went pasir ris, dropped winnie and then went dinner at 85, and then chomps.

odd day. nice day. hard to describe.

a far cry from yesterday's roller coaster.

tml, training, ironman 2 again. study?(hopefully) and then run with jiaying. and TALK.

ummmm. i really dont know anymore.
whenever you tell me a yes, i start doubting myself.

constantly reminding myself, yet, every wake up call makes me more tiresome

fact #1: jiaying can give a nice shoulder massage
fact #2:dev can really hit

when fact #1 + #2, even a drunk driver will drive straight.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

good

i saw a full rainbow

i got dam angry at training,
first i rowed very little
second, juniors werent pushing, then come morning training for what sia.

lesson was lousy ( HRM)

lunch and talk with jeremy

went Tampines 1 with eugene and jabez. waste time.

cancelled with jas chye. ( didnt feel, um right. that familiar look)

stoned at biz park, inside i felt like shit, headache, bodyache, i looked like crap too. but struggled to keep that grin. rowed a little, then felt sicker. so i didnt go training. no motivation at all.

iPod no batt

everyone talking so loud, and i couldnt leave cuz eugene left his stuff behind at biz park when he went walk walk with jabez.

text tessa. the only kind words i got today.

so up and down. but mostly downs. alot alot of downs. im tired, i cant sleep. im worried. im scared, and well at this hour, i feel very very meek and small. vulnerable half describes it.

half only.

i bet a sappy movie would get me better.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

haha suprise trip to town was, well unplanned,
no car, i was sad.

so no ipman2

so went town, sushi buffet. HAHAHA.
fun la.

$20 well spent.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

by the timei posted that, im not really excited already. but ive done so many tuts. ahha

Monday, May 03, 2010

what a difference a day makes.

im happy today, it started yesterday, but the passion is back.

im now gonna sleep to get rdy for class, but rowing was good, and awesome. all out,

let hope this burst lasts, for both studies and rowing.

You might forget

how to breathe

You be the hunter I'll be your wabbit
Profile HUH, WHO? What’s so great about feeling and dreaming? — I'm fat but hungry Linksys Aaron Amanda Cass Candice(cuzzin) Cheryl Chloe !@!@DIANE!@!@ Emma Hazwan HeiMun Joey (Lady) Juin Ling KahYuen LiLing(HOOR) Marcus Olivia Pei Pei! Phillip Qi Ming Rayson/Ying Hao(cuzzin) SHERMEEEEEN SokLing TRIBE! WanLing Wenling WenYan Yun Yu Yu Heng Zhuo Yun VAL ------ Lhy ----- DEVIEN GLAZE JIAYING WINNIE SOOOO CHYE STARHUB WEB SMS!! BlackBerry Cases CrackBerry NinjaThemes ultimate-guitar! FUNKY-CHICKENS! guitar PRAISE!! cleanstuff oddee contra this is why you're fat leenks geekologie acidcow boreme Archives September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010	Monday, May 31, 2010 this month, sent 2094 texts. TWO THOUSAND AND NINETY FOUR. the ive NEVER sent more than 700 before. HAHAHAH. i love unlimited texts. dont you? todays paper was, aight, cant say easy, cuz it was oddly NOT difficult. haha. lunch was super. loved it. i shd fb it. RIGHT. I SHOULD i'll do it NOWWW. (haha self convo) macs and study was, well ya know, words just wont cut it. theres no one for me, none could make me fall. but you did, cuz you paused the song, to answer a call. I train hard because, losing sucks. (Regatta 2009) I train hard because, I do no want to regret after the race. I train hard because, my teammates are training hard as well. I train hard because, I know im capable of contributing more. I train hard because, my opponents are training hard too. I train hard because, I wan to be stronger. I train hard because, there is always someone stronger den me. I train hard because, I want to beat those stronger den me. I train hard because, I can make a difference. I train hard becuase, I enjoy pushing myself to see if I can go further den before. I train hard because, I want to get stronger, faster, leaner. I train hard because, I know i can. I train hard because, there is nothing I can’t achieve with focused attention and consistently applied effort. I train hard because, I want to push my limits, I want to be outside my comfort zone. I train hard because, I will be hard to beat. I train hard because, of the desire to get to the top. Come on guys, 6weeks left, time is running short. Whatever u do in the next few weeks can make the fucking difference between gold and silver, winning and losing. At the end of the day, we must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. Before u make yr choice, think of the other 19guys in the boat, think of those not selected... this was from some SAFSA note. haha. so nice. so awesome, so inspiring. =( Sunday, May 30, 2010 musical mood. this is bad bad bad. not prepared for lome, yet im so darn confident. how dangerous. i liked the "so darling choose me, i dont wanna rule alone" haha awwww. i'm gonna be pretty stressed out tml. before and after the paper. but it'll be fine. i know it. i just do. Saturday, May 29, 2010 Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation Half of my heart takes time. Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you That half of my heart won't do. -John Mayer i choose to think that im spending so much time stressing, cuz its important to me. Friday, May 28, 2010 So many what ifs Penny: "Sheldon treid to take the ring and I punched him." Leonard:" Thats my girl." HAHAHAH OMG NICE. i know the pic has nth to do with that line, but still, haha melt. Jesse: So I wrote back with this song, Promise it won't be too long, Wanna make up for all our lost time, 'Cause in my eyes she was mine (you were mine). haha. so so, awwww. Thursday, May 27, 2010 seee? told you that the day'll get better if you see a rainbow. the pretty moon didnt hurt either. :) Tuesday, May 25, 2010 slept at 5am? and i'm probably going to be late for mr selwyn's lesson. sometime God makes you think. really. soul search. where am i ? what have i done thus far? what am i going to do? am i doing it right? who are the people around me? do i know them? really really know them? stuff like that. okbye I appreciate the little things too. hate that song. school was okay. bused home with candice. haha i havent bused home with her, since. last semester. thats 3 months ago. and yay ive got zapple back. new songs. haha the playlist ah, aiyo die la. tsk. headache. do this cannot, do that, and i cross the line. or have i already? Monday, May 24, 2010 my friends have got me, um confused and worried. a few friends. ok my worries. -Revisions -Exams -Sundown, right before exams -Touch rug, right after exams -run sundown, arms shink ( omg so shallow) -YOG the 4 rounds. lets see. REALLY REALY. cannot tahan. like, soo tired, i felt like, not me. the fire, the DRIVE, all gone. POOOF. then, like, 1st round was slow, ran with jiaying, gosh shes inspiring to me? haha how to say, seeing her push herself, ( i couldnt relate with the CUINESS that she felt, obviously) ( eh WAIT, i know i sound DAM hao lian, but hear me out. hehe) ok so she did 4km, in 26.10 4.3km in 33.23 yay her. then i was like, 1st round, treat it as warm up round, so not counted, so slow anyways, good for the legs to heat up ( really) then, ok she left, and i ran my 3 other rounds, DAM DAM TIRING. REALLY. wah. no kidding, i was like, hmm, usually its body tired, mind super awake and alert. but this time, both gone, nothing. i didnt wanna continue, and my mp3 is annoying me, i cant change track, and i cant up the volume. whyy?? tsk. dont tell me the SWEAT ( yes, pig) the SWEAT got in? aww man. hehe i'm researching on what went wrong, and this guy said this " When I'm using my 3rd generation shuffle the headphones will quit working after about a half hour or 45 min. The volume goes down really low and the controls don't respond. After I turn it off for awhile it will start to work again. Does anyone else have this problem? What causes it to happen and how can I keep it from happening?" hehe i was like, YES YES NOD NOD NOD. ME ME! same prob BRO! HAHA. ANYWAYS. the ipod is, well, no way to fix it, just exchange new earphones lor. STUPID Quality Control methods. shd implement Quality Assurance instead, and find the causes, not spend $ implementing measures to fix the problems when they arrise. hehe omg i better get A for Quality Management. heeh heeh right, back to the run. 1st round, okay, legs got used to the pace, 2nd, still aight, 3rd- DYING. DIED. SO WEIRD RIGHT. 4th - dont need say. my wrist band said no compromise. but i did, i compromised. =( boo i dont deserve to wear it. then, crap la, had to focus? i think? yeah. think of stuff, keep my mind occupied, and its DAM DAM DAM hard. really its difficult trying when you have nothing left. i told myself that, ok i forgot. and it was deeep, to deep to put here. hur hur. MY LAST ROUND. THE HARDEST PART was the part where i told jiaying to carry on, when she said, shes dying. hehe and for once, like for ONCE, first time ever, like, dejavu. i was running the same PACE, the same place and the same thoughts hit me. haha. and i was like, wah, no wonder she couldnt run any faster, it really is THAT hard, just trying to maintain and not slow down. hahah resspect. but didnt stop, never will, ALMOST DID. WAH I ALMOST STOPPED. ( im wah-ing alot today) and. yes i havent studied today, i shall start sooon. have to. cuz you inspired me, and i wont let YOUS down. promise. JOEY promise. Now this place seems familiar to him, She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin. Led me in there, but yet to let me in there. Sunday, May 23, 2010 hehe these pics are just. WOW. LOOKIT. OUT POINTING. SO NICE, SO AWESOME. PRESS IN, SO DEEEP, what a good catch. look at the rudder, so deep and pulled with Vern's body leaning OUT of the boat ( yes im observant) MEANS THAT, the pull of the boat is so much that he's gotta lean soo much. haha no wonder this race got first la. awesome starts WE PULL AWAY BY, WHAT? 1 BOAT? i think ive finally found out how to upload photos in a chronological order. it doesnt work all the time though. hehe first ever pic of me rowing. awesomely parents. full stop. (y) DAM NICE PIC. like, cmon, when else does my arm appear to look so nice ( lucky angle) hehe yk smile! hur hur soccer team hehehe GCT stalker. i didnt wanna take this pic, but im glad i did. tired happy. thx winnie! thanks pop! =D paddles in the pic. yay HEHE. this pic nice. =DD dad. omg im posting too much, haha. hrm slides taking up so much time. =( ive allowed my mind to wander, and heh thats quite dangerous, cuz i imagined stuff, impossible stuff, and kinda made believe that they were possible. and obviously these thoughts grew wildly exciting and suddenly seemed possible, and aiya, im not making sense, nvm. lifes too short, so love more. but think, and act rationaly. thats the balance. the impossible self control. OH WELL. mugging is, boring? so easy to side track. hehe. im having a jackson 5 mood now, spamming vids like crazy. im in a weird mood, when the music plays, im happy and everything. then it ends, and i get moody. HAHAHA. oh golly me. whatever shall i do? irritating. tell me why do my hands get all sweaty whenever i think that way? Alison Sudol, you make me melt oh, at 3:24, joey became a puddle and on a totally related note, ive got a new pick! geddit geddit? =) its supposed to be easy, effortless and comfortable. so tell me why you've got me trying so so hard. and failing so badly at it too. but you make it easy ayy bee see. Wednesday, May 19, 2010 sat/sunday my race, went down, afraid, queued up, SMU on my right, NP on my left. fear and worry crept up, and from shaking with excitement, it died down to dread. i thought of seniors coming down, (pressure) i did not think of my parents. i thought abt what yong kee said: guys, forget abt the 20 crew race ( that we lost), thats over, WE, the 10 of us, are now representing TP and we'll show them, that we are the best that TP has.( or smth like that, i added in the last part in my head) um, then, as i walked down, looked to the right, saw juniors, dont know if they wanted us to win, or publicly humiliate ourselves. i couldnt tell from their faces. i knew some thought that way. and i looked right, and through the crowd, yes this sounds cheesey (dont laugh you), but i only saw one face. a smile, a grin, and i was ready to go. (your still laughing) from the moment paddle touched water, i knew she was too long for me. should have adjusted to silghtly shorter than wooden, since it was so light. then, we rowed up, and i felt like we were showing off to the crowd, and it felt bloody awesome. the feel, that catch, the pull, all so easy. then, got into position, i was wondering why my paddle was HITTING the buoy. and the heck was vern (coxswain) doing. and i looked up, no gaze, but tilt my head up and looked at the sky, whispered, you know, "God, this is yours" haha as if i was gonna die or something, but it DID feel that way. it was, like, i knew, this 40 secs, ONLY 40 secs of your teeny life, make it, break it, up to you. (this thought lasted 3 secs?) then horn rang. and ya la, all out, nothing left, didnt miss a stroke, ( i was amazed) and we were the last lane, can see NP on our right and i could see the horse head, yeah, i was sitting in the 3rd seat, and i could see their horse head, means we were leading well and the lead LASTED the entire way. so i know that when we crossed, we werent last, and we might have, just might have won. and thats it. i wont talk about before or after the race. quite draining, i knew that if i didnt type this out now, i never would. pictures soon, and um marche and walk walk.. heh grin Saturday, May 15, 2010 haha omg in love. Thursday, May 13, 2010 i think, this period of time, is when the weird and emo posts are gonna keep coming and, i dont know, typing it out makes me feel a tinge better. im gonna look at this tml and laugh, and feel stupid. and tell myself not to delete these posts. school sucked. training alone sucked, but it was the one way that i let everything out. really, i didnt sleep enough, emoty stomach, but i was running on mental strength. the gym session was, a release. um. haha big mike is out of american idol. oh sad, but saw that coming. haha, i cant, um. i dont dare to have talks. talks that are deep, and personal. not anymore, and its not like me to back away when you tell me something, um personal? but, its those kind of things that i'd imagine only happened in movies. but it has, and for someone who, well knows the "rules". I feel like im stuck, ive been caught unaware. but thats not the right word either. i sooo totally saw this coming didnt i? ask me your questions, but i cant tell you my tales. trust me, you wouldnt even wanna hear, your constant begging isnt gonna move me, as ive told you before. dont pretend that you know what im talking about. you DONT even KNOW me. hah once more, thoughts that i had on the bus ride home. its really really nothing. meaningless chatter in my empty, air filled head. im sooo tired, i am worn out, but you keep me going, you're the drive, you're the spark, My spark. thanks, you weirdo. Wednesday, May 12, 2010 school was alright, first time missing a lec in this sem. was waay too tired. lazy too. and a full inbox managed to wake me up oh and manaaged to cheer me up too. hahaaa. the small things in life. ahhh sighhh. sighhhh. not SAD sigh, mind you, just sighh drove all night, slept all day. careless with my heart again. maroon 5 Monday, May 10, 2010 ahh. i quote this from coldplay's song "And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace" yes, it was the worst feeling i've had to endure in a long, long time. theres no pain that hurts so bad, the ones from inside of you. but the release is, undeniably comforting, so were the kind words spoken by the two people. and yes i thank God for them. um. school was okay. pressure growing. ive found out alot. people speak, and somehow, it spreads, so dont go around talking so loudly about me in the toilet, cuz i heard you. stupid girl. *plus side, i found out what i do that annoys you. and, i dont know how to feel now, except to go for dinner with you this friday, and empty out my heart, once more, and for the last time. and there were no lights to guide me home, just alone in the rain, with not a soul around me, my eyes stung, my insides burnt, and yet i felt nothing, or just barely. mythoughtswere,wheresgodnow?huh?whenineedyou,thentheresnoreply.icouldusealittlehelp. downinaditchandwithnoonetheretoaidme. nowordstodescribethepainreally.didinotcalloutloudenough? Saturday, May 08, 2010 how do you expect me to feel? like walking out on me, when the rain comes, and shutting the door. thats how I feel. and now that you've kept me in the dark. im invisible right? a nothing. no one. i cant, i wont, show anything. i'll shatter, but i'll never show it. thanks. thanks alot ya. they say its bad to be angry at god. at what he's doing ,cuz you cant see the picture. im feeling, um. angry/dont know where to turn to? ok im not angry anymore. the sudden burst dissapeared when i typed that top bit out. its one thing to KNOW that god's there, knowing how you feel, when you feel it. its another, to act rationally when the feeling hits. and its late, im thinking bad thoughts. leave church, run away. new leader? whats that? i've never been under anyone else. im sorry, i'll change. just dont. please dont. Friday, May 07, 2010 lets see. rowed-coxed for ccn day ate quite abit. went home with jiaying and winnie oh before that, saw chun leng and the rest in school. was nice. then, um went home, waited abit for dev, went pasir ris, dropped winnie and then went dinner at 85, and then chomps. odd day. nice day. hard to describe. a far cry from yesterday's roller coaster. tml, training, ironman 2 again. study?(hopefully) and then run with jiaying. and TALK. ummmm. i really dont know anymore. whenever you tell me a yes, i start doubting myself. constantly reminding myself, yet, every wake up call makes me more tiresome fact #1: jiaying can give a nice shoulder massage fact #2:dev can really hit when fact #1 + #2, even a drunk driver will drive straight. Thursday, May 06, 2010 good i saw a full rainbow i got dam angry at training, first i rowed very little second, juniors werent pushing, then come morning training for what sia. lesson was lousy ( HRM) lunch and talk with jeremy went Tampines 1 with eugene and jabez. waste time. cancelled with jas chye. ( didnt feel, um right. that familiar look) stoned at biz park, inside i felt like shit, headache, bodyache, i looked like crap too. but struggled to keep that grin. rowed a little, then felt sicker. so i didnt go training. no motivation at all. iPod no batt everyone talking so loud, and i couldnt leave cuz eugene left his stuff behind at biz park when he went walk walk with jabez. text tessa. the only kind words i got today. so up and down. but mostly downs. alot alot of downs. im tired, i cant sleep. im worried. im scared, and well at this hour, i feel very very meek and small. vulnerable half describes it. half only. i bet a sappy movie would get me better. Wednesday, May 05, 2010 haha suprise trip to town was, well unplanned, no car, i was sad. so no ipman2 so went town, sushi buffet. HAHAHA. fun la. $20 well spent. Tuesday, May 04, 2010 by the timei posted that, im not really excited already. but ive done so many tuts. ahha Monday, May 03, 2010 what a difference a day makes. im happy today, it started yesterday, but the passion is back. im now gonna sleep to get rdy for class, but rowing was good, and awesome. all out, let hope this burst lasts, for both studies and rowing.
You might forget how to breathe